Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Times when I don't want to be mindful

I had to have some oral surgery today.  I'll be the first to admit that I am a wimp when it comes to dental work.  I consider myself a pretty rational person, but I've been having stress dreams since the appointment was made over a month ago.  I even changed it twice.  I tried not to think about it, and reminded myself to stay in the moment and not let the anxiety get the better of me. For the most part it worked.

Then I found myself reluctantly in the dentist chair this morning waiting for the Novocaine to fully numb my mouth and wishing it could numb my fears.  I didn't want to acknowledge that I was afraid of what was going to happen, what the recovery would be like.  Then I remind myself that being mindful also means acknowledging your feelings. I text my husband to say "I'm scared" and thanks to auto-correct it sent him a message saying "I'm scarfed".  Oh damn, now I have to write it and admit it again.  I feel my eyes well up with tears and my body start to shake.

So I fully felt the fear, and hoped no one would noticed me shaking and something surprising happened.  After a few moments, the fear passed and I was okay.  I knew I would be okay.  Being mindful helped me move through the emotion to hear my rational self.       

I'm not saying that I was able to relax during the procedure, so I still have work to do.  However, the procedure went smoothly.  I will heal.  I have learned a valuable lesson.

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